I love Yoda.  I think he’s my favorite all-time characters. You can apply his logic in so many situations. “Do or Do not. There is no try.”  Do you know how many people I’ve told this to through the years?  At first they look at me a little funny. When they think about it, they realize the wisdom in those simple words.

I remember having a conversation with my Dad when I was in college in what seems like an eternity ago. He had me write down goals for a semester.  I wasn’t doing so well academically… actually I was learning so much about life instead. I remember sitting at his desk, thinking through what I wanted to do.  Here’s the thing….  I had no clue what I wanted to accomplish.

I took a stab at a goal: Try to study 3 times a week for a class.  When he reviewed what I wrote, he told me perhaps the wisest thing. “The language you chose dictates your actions and results.  Instead of ‘try’, use ‘will’ instead.” Honestly, I didn’t want to say anything stronger than that.  I wasn’t even sure that I would graduate.  I didn’t even know why I was in school, didn’t know what I wanted to become. I was scared shitless…..

Fast forward 20+ years…. here I am, still unsure what I want to do with my life and terrified. This fear… is real terror.  It is so much worse than my fear of spiders and water slides.  This fear is tangible.  It has a taste, a smell, a sound, a texture, a sensation. It overwhelms all of my senses. And it keeps me safe.

Or does it?

“Named must your fear be before banish it you can.” – Yoda

So what is this fear of really?  It’s that fear of being SEEN, of really, truly and unapologetically seen. Damn perfectionism and being a people pleaser….   I can morph into whoever someone wants me to be. I can be wild and crazy, calm and serene, passionate and vocal, and all combinations in between. I am the master illusionist.  Sometimes I don’t even know what I’m feeling and rely on others to tell me what I’m feeling. I feel bad when I feel something that is opposite of what others think I should be feeling. How messed up is that?

Ironically, I think people can’t see the real me. That is soooo far from the truth. They certainly can!  You can only dance and hustle so long before things come crashing down around you. Dr Brene Brown calls this “the hustle of worthiness.” It is exhausting and something I’ve done for YEARS.

“Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” – Yoda

So now I’m exhausted and terrified. Fear isn’t keeping me safe. It’s keeping me from living and making me bitter and resentful. I want to do so many things and fear stops me dead in my tracks and says… “yeah, about that.  Why don’t you just crawl into bed and pull the covers over your head. Or watch some TV? Or play that game on your iPad for hours? Or anything that will keep you from moving forward. Or backward. Just stay put here. Where it’s nice and safe.”

And boring. And uninspiring. And joyless.

Lifeless.

“To be a Jedi is to face the truth, and chose. Give off light, or darkness, Padawan. Be a candle, or the night.” – Yoda

So many people talk about pushing through the fear.  I don’t think this is the right approach for me. It seems so negative and more like suppressing the emotion rather than giving the emotion space to be. I think I’ve swallowed enough emotions over the years and it doesn’t help at all. Fear is part of me, it’s part of all of us really. It craves acceptance like the rest of us and grows stronger the more we try to suppress it.

“To answer power with power, the Jedi way this is not. In this war, a danger there is, of losing who we are.” – Yoda

Perhaps fear and I need to re-negotiate our contract, consider a partnership rather than a dictatorship. There is a place for fear… like when I’m being chased by a lion or someone is holding a gun to my head. Not sure there’s a place for it walking to my mailbox or talking to a co-worker. Granted, we do have bobcats and coyotes in the area and some of the people I work with are downright scary, I don’t think either of those are going to really try to eat me. Fear doesn’t need to rule my existence.

So Fear, walk with me. You are not going to lead me any more. We walk together, side by side. You can prod me gently when you think I need to be cautious and I will take your counsel under advisement. I will act on your guidance when it makes sense (like rampaging lions, guns to the head, etc). Otherwise, I will take your hand and lead you gently into the unknown where glorious and amazing adventures await.

“Hmmm. In the end, cowards are those who follow the Dark Side.” – Yoda